Thoughts on Disapproval

1. Disapproval is a helluva drug. I have a friend who is seriously addicted. And I disapprove of her addiction. Sigh. I need rehab, too.

2. If I express disapproval of someone to a third party when the target of my disapproval isn't within earshot, but then I'm all loving and winsome to their face, my love is false. I'm trying harder.

3. A friend disapproves of some decisions I've made. She makes it clear by dropping little trolling comments that hint at it. If she knew more of my background and the reasons behind my choices, she'd probably understand, but I don't owe her my story so that she'll approve of me. I have decided to let her disapproval stand. It's hurting her more than me.

4. Discernment, as in discerning good behavior versus sinful behavior, becomes a very good excuse for indulging in disapproval. Discernment should always be directed toward yourself first. I always find that when something irritates me in someone else, it's present in me, too. See No. 1 above.

5. "I'm just so concerned about such-and-so" can become a very good introduction for a bunch of gossipy disapproval. Don't talk about people when they're not around unless you are expressing appreciation, praise, or sympathy. Period.

6.  Nobody, but nobody becomes a better person because 2 or 3 people self-righteously compared notes on what they disapprove about them. The people disapproving don't become better either. It's a no-win situation.

7. The next time I find myself sitting in a study of some kind at church that devolves into disparaging others' supposed sins, I'm going to have the courage to get up and leave. Even if they're right. I'm not there to point out splinters in others' eyes just so we can all feel better about ourselves.

8. "But, if we don't point out the sins of others, we might fall into those sins ourselves!" The best way to avoid sin is to keep my eyes on God and my own relationship with him, not on the shortcomings of others.

9. Pointing out the virtuous qualities in another is a good discipline, as long as it doesn't become the token good thing you say so that you can justify the 5 negative things you follow it up with. You know what I mean, "I love her to death, BUT..." or "She's got a heart of gold, BUT..."

10. Sharing mutual disapproval with someone can feel like a way to create intimacy in a friendship. In reality, it's a toxic intimacy that thrives on social neediness. You know that the other person will sooner or later say negative things about you, too. There are better friends and more sincere intimacies to be had. Don't settle.